- Start Slow. Watch out for someone who seems too good to be
true. Begin by first communicating solely via email. Be on the
lookout for odd behavior or inconsistencies. “Listen” to your
correspondent’s words. The person at the other end may not be who
or what he/she says. Trust your instincts. If anything makes you
uncomfortable, walk away for your own safety and protection.
- Guard Your Anonymity. All correspondence with AltMatch
members done via MatchMail or via your own email program using your
anonymous username, does not reveal any personal contact information
about you. Never include your last name, real email address,
personal Web site URL, home address, phone number, place of work, or
any other identifying information in your profile or initial emails
you exchange with other members. Make sure your email signature file
is turned off, or does not include identifying information, when
corresponding with a AltMatch member via your own email. Stop
communicating with anyone who pressures you for this information or
attempts in any way to trick you into revealing it. Take all the
time you need to become comfortable with someone before revealing
any person contact information. Ask questions and make sure you are
satisfied with the answers. Trust your instincts, move cautiously
and be selective.
- Exercise Caution and Common Sense. Careful, well-thought
decisions generally lead to better results in dating, and this is
certainly true with online dating too. Guard against trusting the
untrustworthy. Any suitor must earn your trust gradually, through
consistently honorable, forthright behavior. Your job is to take all
the time you need to test for a trustworthy person, and pay careful
attention along the way. Take a relatively conservative approach to
trusting anyone you meet online. If you think someone is lying, it
is likely that they are, so act accordingly. Move on to someone you
can eventually trust. Conduct yourself and your romances in a
responsible manner. Don’t fall in love at the click of a mouse.
Don’t become prematurely intimate with someone, even if that
intimacy only occurs online.
- Request a Photo. A photo will give you a good idea of the
person's appearance, which may prove helpful in achieving a gut
feeling about your correspondent. In fact, it’s best to view
several images of this person in a variety of settings: casual,
formal, indoor, outdoors. If he or she continuously comes up with an
excuse, it may be because that person has something to hide. Getting
a photo scanned is less than ten dollars at Kinko’s, so there is
little excuse for not doing it.
- Talk Via Telephone. A phone call can reveal much about a
person’s communication and social skills. It is worth the cost of
the call to protect your security. But do not give out your personal
phone number to a stranger. Try a cell phone number instead for
added security. Or make arrangements to call from a pay phone. Only
when you feel completely comfortable should you furnish your phone
number.
- Meet When YOU Are Ready. The beauty of meeting and relating
online is that you can gradually collect information and then make a
choice about pursuing the relationship in the real world. You are
never obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level of online
intimacy. And even if you do decide to arrange a meeting, you always
have the right to change your mind. It’s possible that your
decision to keep the relationship at the anonymous level is based on
a hunch that you can’t logically explain. Trust yourself. Go with
your gut instincts, even when they can’t be logically explained.
Never meet someone who argues against your instincts, finds logical
flaws with your feelings or pressures you in any way.
- Watch for Red Flags. Pay attention to any displays of
anger, intense frustration or attempts at pressuring or controlling
you. Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or
disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are
all red flags. You should also be concerned if your date exhibits
any of the following conduct without providing an acceptable
explanation:
- Provides inconsistent information about age, interests,
appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc.
- Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing
ongoing, online intimacy.
- Fails to provide direct answers to direct questions.
- Appears in person to be significantly different from his or
her online persona.
- Never introduces you to friends, professional associates or
family members.
- Select the Safest Possible Environment. When you make the
choice to meet offline, always tell someone where you are going and
when you will return. Leave your date’s name and telephone number
with that person. Never arrange for your date to pick you up at
home. Provide your own transportation, meet in a public place at a
time when many people are present, and when the date is over, leave
on your own as well. A familiar restaurant or coffee shop, at a time
when a lot of other people will be present is often a fine choice.
Avoid hikes, bike rides or drives in remote areas for the first few
dates. If you decide to move to another location, take your own car.
When the timing is appropriate, thank your date for getting together
and say goodbye.
- Take Extra Caution Outside Your Area. If you are flying in
from another area, arrange for your own car and a hotel room. Do not
disclose the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make
the arrangements for you. Rent a car at the airport and drive
directly to your hotel. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the
location you have already agreed to. If the location seems
inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try to contact your
date at that location, or leave a message on a home machine. Always
make sure a friend or family member knows your plans and has your
contact information. And if possible, carry a cell phone at all
times.
- Get Yourself Out of a Jam. Never do anything you feel
unsure about. If you are in any way afraid of your date, use your
best judgment to diffuse the situation and get out of there. Excuse
yourself long enough to call a friend for advice, ask someone else
on the scene for help, or slip out the back door and drive away. If
you feel you are in danger call the police. It’s always better to
be safe than sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed about your
behavior. Your safety is much more important than one person’s
opinion of you.
While liars, cheaters and imposters certainly ply their craft on the
Web, you’ll also find them in nightclubs, among the membership ranks
of off-line dating services, at cocktail parties, and occasionally
sitting across from you at your local café. Regardless of where, or
how, you meet someone, dating is never a risk-free activity. A little
caution will reduce your risk in these matters of the heart. |
